Testimonials

And just how do the people feel about candidate Joe?


It's time to use your influence and prestige. If you're somebody, and really aren't we all somebody, please leave an endorsement for Joe. It could be the difference in the election. Send your testimonial to .


The idea of Joe Garden hosting Late Night doesn't bother me that much.
-- Dave Eggers


I have a series of photographs of Joe Garden committing acts so vile and disgusting, they will cause a veritable sensation when I release them to the press shortly after Joe assumes the hot-seat on the Late Night television program. Consider this fair warning, not attempted extortion.
--Randy Ostrow, The Better Citizenship BBureau


Joe Garden is one of my most favorite funny gentiles, and I think it's high time that a funny Midwestern non-Jew rule an hour of late night tv airwaves. Don't you? Don't hate - congratulate. Or as I say "Mazel Tov Joe Garden on this blessed event!" Now everyone do the horah!
--Jennifer Edelston
Coordinator, Music Programming, VH1


If Dave Eggers says he's all right, he's probably all right. Unless Dave was plied with liquor.
--Buddy O'Bush
Billionaires For Bush (but not for late-night)


Yeah, I guess that would be okay with me, could Joe Garden also replace (or kill and put out of his misery) Carson Daily? If two hours of Joe Garden is what it would take to get rid of him, I won't say no.
-thanks,
carolita (newyorker cartoonista)


I think Joe Garden would make a good late night host based solely on his prowess with a mug. Seriously, set a mug of whatever beverage you like down on the desk in front of him, and I guarantee he will pick it up, drink from it while maintaining eye contact and interest in the current conversation, then put it down on the desk quietly enough for it to not pick up on the microphone. People won't even have a clue what's in it. Is it hot coffee? Cold water? His own urine? I know this because he signed up for a course I teach involving mug usage in a talk show setting. At the Learning Annex. Look it up.
-Joe Jurewicz


He couldn't be any worse than he was as a temp secretary. Why the hell not? Bill O'Reily has a show after all.
p.s. Steve and I miss you Joe!

- Sheila K Kessler


Joe may not remember me, but in 1994 Joe worked at a Madison WI liquor store that I frequented hourly. The first time I purchased a pint of cheap vodka from Joe, he said, with great warmth and sincerity, "I'm really proud of you". Nuff said!
- Tobin Manley


As Joe's high school French teacher for four years, I can attest that he's been funny for a long time. He wowed his speech class with a demonstration of making jello, ending with samples of it from a "butt bath". On our trip to France, he had the whole busload splitting their sides laughing at his rendition, together with close friend Jeff Perry, of a combination of Monty Python skits. His skill at humor definitely outweighed his efforts at French, but then with his wit and charm, who needs effort? Unless it was when he campaigned to be elected to prom court--and won! I hope this campaign meets with equal success!
- Kay Ziegahn
German/French Teacher


I vote Joe. all the way. mutton chops belong on tv.
- Paul Heiger


Hey Joe - great sight, how do I get a job writing for the Onion?
- Noah Starr


i've not seen joe for many moons, nor was i invited to his wedding. however, i have supreme confidence that he will do his opening monologue in proper fashion (sitting behind a desk and not standing in front of his very fortunate audience) and that it, along with his interview style and humorous asides, will be beyond fault. way beyond fault.
- b. edwards


Joe Garden is the only man that can revive the long lost glory of the late night talk show host. He will heal and moisturize viewers like aloe on a scar.
- Angela Bowers


Joe made me laugh today by sticking his iPod to his bare chest--it stayed! I really think he is up for the job. And he didn't even pressure me to write this.
- Amy Lieberman, Intern


i met joe back when he was a tall skinny kid doing dishes in a pizza joint. he was crouched on the top shelf of the stainless steel dish rack and was intensely scrubbing the ceiling. he looked like a monkey. it's an image that still haunts me over ten years later. i think that makes him the perfect candidate to replace Conan.
- sue arbet, former pizza maker
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Joe Garden once wrote me a letter of recommendation. If he becomes King of Late Night, the dollar value of that letter will quintuple. Therefore, it is in my best interests to support Joe Garden.
- Asterios Kokkinos


Having watched Joe Garden tape desperate pleas for attention on the window of his office in Soho - I think he'll be the perfect late night host. Those people who watch late night are fond of tape and looking in other people's windows. Go get 'em Joe!
(P.S. Joe, please wear more pants at work.)

- Laura Morand Bailey
(humble temp stuck in a cubicle across from Joe's building)


I am stupid and have always been that way. Joe has always been nice to me. I am endorsing Joe and I encourage other stupid people to do the same. He'll be nice to you too.
- Ryan Pettersen


Vote Joe! You do not want this man coming to your house at 3 in the morning wondering why you're not on his side yet.
- Jessie Dean Altman


Each day I pray to Lord Ganesh for Joe Garden to end up on Late Night. Because he is perfect for the job & once bought me a Pabst.
-Gayathri Iyer


Once when I was young man in college Joe Garden bought me a New Order poster, which I promptly gave to my girlfriend in order to get laid. Thanks for helping me get laid Joe!!
-Joshua Krzych aka TardFarmer


Joe Garden kissed my baby (and not in a weird way) when she was just six days old. I want my daughter to grow up in a world where she can see Joe on the TeeVee!
-Lisa Hinzman, rock and roll mother and essayist


As Joe's former elementary art teacher, I can tell you that boy is CREATIVE! Not only will he wow everyone with his wit, he can design and paint his own set, too!
-Jane Kintz


I find the trite musings of late night television hosts inanely bourgeois but I would kick a puppy to see Joe Garden chat it up nightly with washed-up celebs and trendy politicos.
-Rev. Shawn M. Steen


Before I met Joe Garden, I was a sad, lonely, person without a friend in the world. Now I'm suicidal, and dropping Klonopin like candy! Thanks, Joe!!
-Janet Ginsburg


I saw Joe when he worked at a liquor store, but he was never drunk. I guess thats o.k.
-Chuck Amble, man about town


If Joe doesn't get this late night gig then he might try and run for president in 2012 and then we'd really be in trouble. Do your country a favor and vote Joe now!
-Kevin Corrigan, Intern


I haven't seen Joe Garden in nearly 4 years, but if I know funny, and I do, anyone who was hillarius in the past can only become funnier as the years go on. Just look at Eddie Murphy!
-Velcro Lewis, Sr.


We met Joe Garden on the street one time and he didn't frighten my newborn child. What more can I say really? Hell of a guy.
-Matthew Marine


I think Joe is a swell guy. By swell I mean that if that's not his beer belly poking out from underneath his array of ironic t-shirts, it's the most magnificent erection I have ever seen!
Sincerely,
-Pete Tunney
Account Executive, The ONION Inc.


Last night when I was talking to my non-pants wearing neighbor it hit me... I want to see Joe on TV. Not just one time but every week night. I want Joe to control all the stimulus for a pre-set amount of time. Maybe then the horrible emotional scars of my naked from the waist down neighbor will be gently buffed from my mind. It will be bliss. Vote for Joe.
-Matthew McCaskey


By the way, my friend thought Joe was so funny that she wanted to sleep with him. After having our photo taken, she said to the graphic designer, "Joe's really funny," and he kind of chuckled and said, "Yeah." Then when we were leaving she walked by Joe and told him he was really funny.
-- Brian Palmer, San Francisco, CA


As someone who has known Joe since he was in diapers, (that is, more than five years), I firmly believe he would be the right person to receive a cushy, high paying job where he could periodically award his friends, family and various hangers-on with cast of clothing or eating utensils that we could then sell on e-bay to maintain our standard of living. I'm all for it.
-- Steve & Cathey Strange


If Joe Garden becomes host of Late Night, I'll laugh and laugh and laugh.
--Jesse Thorn
The Sound of Young America


I've known Joe since his humble beginnings in rural Wisconsin. Something most people do not know about Joe is that, during his humble beginning period, he was very humble... and he can dance the Electric Boogaloo like nobody's business, although he's too humble to brag about his dancing skills. He can also make a kick ass tuna sandwich. This alone is enough for my endorsement. I also saw him rescue a cat from a tree once. It was already dead but that's not the point. The point is that he tried, was humble about it and today he has that same cat stuffed and displayed prominently in his office/garage.
Humbly Yours,
--Eldon Meatsock


I think Joe used to live with this guy I know, and I never heard him say any bad stuff about him. Anyone who hasn't been criticized my their roommate deserves their own network show, and not on the flippin WB.
--Kaya Richmond


Joe is creative and funny as hell. Joe will take late night television to a whole new level of comedy. That's just my opinion.
--George Clark


One time I was in the bathroom with Joe Garden right after he pooped. I told him it smelled like a dead possum, or even a dead O' possum. And I should know, because I grew up on a farm.
-John Howell Harris


I worked with Joe at Preventive Medicine at Northwestern University in Chicago. He made my job a lot more fun. I would even stay up late to see Joe!
--Fran Horn


Joe Garden rocks.
--Jenny Isaacs


I endorse Joe Garden because he is the Coolest Joe I know. He's so cute and funny - and we all love it when his pants fall down.
--Joan Mcdonald


I don't know joe personally,but I do know some of his friends and they are all kick ass people,very funny and personable.basically a real joy to be around. Im voting joe and im a kick ass dude too!
--Billy V.









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