Joe Garden was born in an apartment above Simpson's Tavern in Chicago's south side in 1970. Since then, he has done nothing but complain. Until now. When it was announced that Jay Leno would be retiring from The Tonight Show in 2009, only to be replaced by Conan O'Brien, Joe put his petulance aside and decided to take action. We, America, couldn't afford to take a chance on some pretty-boy frat dork to fill the power vacuum. This in mind, Joe took it upon himself to step up to the plate, throw his hat into the ring and embrace sports metaphors. He also decided to announce his candidacy for the position of Late Night.
While the position has been filled by auditioning people in the past, it is high time to democratize the process. It is only this way we can show the network bigwigs that the people aren't going to take this sort of nonsense again.
Joe has also grown up in Richland Center, WI, dropped out of the University of Wisconsin-Madison, moved to Brooklyn, gotten married to his wife Anita, washed dishes, sold liquor, been a secretary for the Northwestern University Medical School and written for The Onion. His three cats demand a great deal of attention. The anti-Bush satirical book he contributed to (along with Mike Loew and Randy Ostrow), Citizen You! Helping Your Government Help Itself has not yet been pulped. He collects movie posters and records, but not like an aficionado or anything.